From the mouth of babes

The following are snippets of conversations we've had with Livia during the past few months.

Livia: “Dad, give me your face. I want to kiss your lips.”

---

Me: “Livia, maybe you and Daddy can have a treat while I’m gone!”

Livia (in a very resigned manner): “But I didn’t eat a good enough dinner.”

---

Livia: “I had a bad dream! It was really bad. About lions, and tigers, and people. And ducks.

---

Livia: (after another bad dream, spoken while sobbing hysterically) It was about a hippopotamus…who crashed…a snowman.

---

Livia: Is Jesus a girl?

Me: No.

Livia: He’s a boy?

Me: Yeah

Livia: But he has long hair. Long hair like me.

---

Livia: What’s that?

Me: It’s a grapefruit

Livia: What’s its middle name?

Me: Um, I don’t think it has a middle name.

Livia: I know what it is!

Me: Oh?

Livia: It’s second-third-second.

---

Me: It’s time for the sacrament. It’s time to think about Jesus.

Livia: I’m thinking!...about…the candy cane. At the grocery store. That’s what I’m thinkin’ about.

---

Livia: (waking up in the night, sobbing) There’s a bat!

Me: Livia, there aren’t any bats here, go to sleep.

Livia: No, it’s right there! There’s a bat!

Me: There are NO bats in here.

Livia: Get the bat!

Me: Livia—

Chase: Mary, just get the bat!

Me: (grabbing a handful of air) Oh look, I got it!

Livia: No, it’s over there!

Me: (grabbing a different handful of air) Ok, now I got it.

Livia: Throw it in the trash!!

Me: (throwing the handful of air onto the ground) Okay, it’s gone now.

Livia: (Silence, because she’s now completely calm and going back to sleep)

---

Livia (from the back seat of the car): I smell like…baking powder.

---

Me: Livia, you’re so cute.

Livia: I’m not cute.

Me: You’re so pretty and nice!

Livia: I’m NOT pretty and nice.

Me: You did such an excellent job.

Livia: I’m NOT es-calent!!

Me: Oookay then.

---

Livia: Mommy, you’re short and fat.

Me: (bemused silence. how does one respond to such things??)